WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS

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WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS

GTAHater
This post was updated on .
IT SEEMS THAT REVIEW EMBARGOES OF RECORD TIGHTNESS ARE HOLLYWOOD’S LINE FOR CERTAIN FILMS, MOST OF WHICH THEY KNOW ARE DOOMED TO SUCK. IT’S HAPPENED AT LEAST THRICE BEFORE IN THIS YEAR ALONE, INCLUDING NINE LIVES ON AUGUST 5 AND MECHANIC: RESURRECTION ON AGS. 26. I WONDER JUST HOW MUCH PAIN THEY’RE EXPECTING CRITICS AND FILMGOERS TO SUFFER THROUGH BEFORE THE BIG STUDIOS GRAB ALL THE TICKET SALES THEY CAN, BEFORE THE TOXINS FROM THE ROTTEN TOMATOES AND RED METASCORES REACH INTO THE BOX OFFICE PERFORMANCE.

THE FOCUS OF TODAY’S 2ND WORST NEW FILM IS ANOTHER CREEPY STALKER THRILLER IN THE SAME VEIN AS SAM MILLER’S “NO GOOD DEED” TWO SEPTEMBERS AGO, BUT THAT COMPARISON WOULD BE HURTFUL… TO “NO GOOD DEED”! ENTER “WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS”, STARRING MORRIS CHESTNUT (HALF PAST DEAD [2002], ANACONDAS: HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID [2004], IDENTITY THIEF [2013] AND KICK-*SIZZLE* 2 [2013]), WHO I’D SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND FIRING HIS TALENT AGENT, NO MORE EXCUSES. THE LEADING LADY IS REGINA HALL (SCARY MOVIE 2 [2001], THE HONEYMOONERS REMAKE [2005], SCARY MOVIE 4 [2006], SUPERHERO MOVIE [2008], THINK LIKE A MAN TOO [2014], VACATION [2015]), WHO CAN’T SEEM TO SHAKE OFF THE BITTER FLAVOR SHE ACQUIRED FROM THE SCARY MOVIE SERIES.

LONG DESCRIPTION FOR THE PLOT: A YOUNG WHITE-COLLAR COUPLE WANTS TO HAVE A BABY, BUT THEY GET NEGATIVE RESULTS BACK FROM THE OVERALL FERTILITY TESTS. NOT JUST A FAILED ATTEMPT AT PREGNANCY, BUT A COMPLETE LACK OF FERTILITY. THEY GO THROUGH A FEW INFERTILE COUPLES’ MOTIONS BEFORE SETTLING FOR THEIR LAST RESORT PLAN. THEY HIRE A SEEMINGLY PERFECT WOMAN, PRESUMABLY IN HER EARLY 20s, TO SERVE AS A SURROGATE. THE BIGGEST PROBLEM? SHE’S A PSYCHOTIC MURDERESS WHO PLOTS TO TAKE THE HUSBAND FOR HERSELF NEXT! THE SURROGATE MOTHER’S EX-BOYFRIEND ADDS NOTHING TO THE PLOT EXCEPT A LOT MORE STUPIDITY, AND THE STORY WAS ALREADY TOO SKETCHY TO BELIEVE WITHOUT THAT.

ABOUT 12 HOURS LATER, IT ALREADY SHOWED WITH ITS O FOR 7 APPROVAL RATING ON THE TOMATOMETER, BUT YOU SHOULDN’T LET ME WHIP “WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS” WITH A STINGING BRANCH ALONE. IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHY WE SHOULD CHOOSE THIS FOR OUR SELECT FEW NOMINEES THIS WINTER, BREAK THE BRANCH AND DROP THE CRADLE ON WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS BELOW!
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Re: WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS

oiram
Stuckmann review: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcq4ziXfmyY
Worst Actor - Johnny Depp (Just imagine the cruel irony of winning for the role that original got him his first Oscar nom.)

Worst Actress - Katherine Heigl (SHE MUST WIN!)

Worst Supporting Actor - Anthony Hopkins (If he is nominated, he'll break a Razzie record. If he wins, he'll break TWO records!)

Worst Supporting Actress - Kim Basinger (Basically in this movie because 9 1/2 Weeks, her first Razzie nomination.)

Worst Supporting Actress (nom) - Marcia Gay Harden (Jane Seymour got a nomination for the parody version of the role, so why not the real thing?)
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Re: WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS

Vits
This post was updated on .
R.T. (5%): "Shallow, clichéd, and silly instead of suspenseful, the film offers nothing domestic thriller fans haven't already seen before -- and done far better."

Jeremy Jahns' video review.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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