This is where we can all talk about anything that's going on in our lives (positive or negative). We can congratulate and advice each other.
I'll start: You might remember that I moved to Rome back in August. Well, I haven't find a single job (not even part time). I've been able to do online freelancing, though. I took a film course that started 3 weeks ago and I like it so far. They assured me that I'll be able to keep a copy of whatever short film I work in and I'll be allowed to submit to festivals and/or use it as a portfolio when I look for a job.
I live in a sort of housing for students. When a girl arrived (not long after me), I asked her out. She said she just wanted to be friends, so I said "Fine." At first, we didn't seem to click. For some reason, during November, we became good friends. By early December, I had developed real feelings for her. I could tell that she didn't feel the same way, so I said "Nothing good can result from me telling her how I feel. I shouldn't be selfish and I should keep it to myself." A couple of days ago, I started to think "We've gotten closer with time. Maybe I do have a chance after all. And even if I'm wrong, we've developed a lot of mutual trust. We can address the issue as adults; the situation doesn't have to be awkward." I was ready to make a move when I had the opportunity but, yesterday, she told me that she felt something was bothering me and wanted me to talk to her in private. It turns out that she could tell I had a crush. I explained that, while I wasn't in love, it was more than just a crush. We talked for about 2 hours. At one point, I said "You've become my best friend. I don't want to lose you. Do you think we can stay friends?" and she said "Yes." Now... let's see how everything plays out.
1) 365 Euro per month. Although, as I said before, I don't live in a regular house.
2) As long as you talk objectively and respect others' opinions (which isn't always the case with people who bring up topics like that), I think everything will be OK.
2 nights ago, me and a bunch of friends (including... "her") went out to a bar. She was so drunk. At one point, she began one of her usual rants about how everyone hate her country (Germany):
-"It's not true. Otherwise, why would we be your friends?"
-"You all live with me, so you feel forced to be my friends."
When we arrived home, she sat on the stairs and took her blouse off. She had a shirt underneath, but someone made a joke like she was going to strip. She laughed and joked about it. I went to her and helped her get up:
-"I think it's time to go to bed"
-"Don't! I don't need help. I can get to my room by myself."
Yesterday at lunch, I was chatting with her:
-"What you said about friendship... It was just the booze talking, right?"
-"And the other thing was a joke, right? You weren't actually going to strip."
-"Do you think I'm capable of that?"
-"The [her name] I know wouldn't, but you weren't yourself last night."
-"I wasn't that drunk! And even then, I would never do that!"
I get it. I implied that she was a drunk and a slut, but I don't really think that. I've texted her asking her to talk, so I can apologize, but she doesn't want to. This morning, I left a note with a flower outside of her room... but nothing. The others tell me to give her space and to apologize only when she's ready to talk.
Many days ago, me and some friends had agreed on going to the movies on Thursday (yesterday). The girl I like was going too. I texted her:
-"I'm not going tonight because I wanna give you space. We'll talk when you're ready."
-"I could care less about space. You and I are acquaintances. Nothing more."
Sorry to sound like a drama queen but, in that moment, I felt it was the end of the world. Losing her as a possible girlfriend was bad enough, but losing her as a best friend too? Anyway, I have another (girl) friend who cheered me up:
-"You have to give her space."
-"No. Talking to her, texting her and even leaving her notes isn't giving her space, even if you're telling her that. Just leave her alone, her anger will pass and everything will be OK."
While I trust in my male friends' judgement, I trust her advice a little more because she knows how women think.
Most of my friends went out, but me and the friend who cheered me up didn't feel like it. I was in her room and she was very sad. She didn't want to talk about it, but still wanted me to keep her company. Throughout this, she was drinking. Before I realized, she had drunk an entire bottle. Out of nowhere:
-"I changed my mind. I wanna go out. Why don't we meet the others at the bar?"
-"I don't think it's a good idea. You can't solve your problems this way. Also, it'll take you an hour to get there. You'll be alone for an hour and you'll think about your problems over and over again. By the time you arrive, you'll feel worse."
I kept trying to convince her and to make her feel better. Eventually, I remembered something my dad always says that cheers me up:
-"The only problem in life without a solution is death."
-"Sometimes death is the only solution."
-[Laughing nervously] "You're joking, right?"
-[With an intense stare] "Do I look like I'm joking?"
I got so scared. I realized that only her best friend (the girl I like) could help her, but I thought she had gone out too. I locked up her door and said "We're staying here until she comes back or until you tell me what's wrong." No, I didn't hold her hostage. It's just that I couldn't lock the residence's front gate, but that doesn't mean I wanted to keep her trapped in her room. Not to mention that she had her phone the whole time with her (if she had thought she was in danger, she could've called the landlady) and that she could've gone out through the window (there was a scaffold right outside). Also:
-"I need to get my hair straightener from the bathroom."
-[With a disciplinary dad attitude] "Sure. It's pointless, though, since you're not going to the bar. By the way, use the opportunity to use the toilet. I don't know at what time they'll be back and we might be here for a while, so I don't wanna lock and unlock the door constantly."
I knew she'd be angry and I was ready to let her focus her anger on me. However, I didn't think things through. She started yelling at the top of her lungs, the other girl heard her and came to her room. The other girl told me to go away while she hugged the girl (who had started crying). I hated seeing her cry, but I was relieved that she had gotten it out of her system, because it meant that she was going to be OK. Later, the landlady came to my room:
-"She said that you tried to rape her and threatened to call the cops."
-"What?! It's not true!"
-"I know. I saw her and she obviously didn't know what she was saying. She called some friends to come and take her away. They may try to beat you up, so lock your door and turn off the lights."
Our friends came home and I explained everything. They told me that she tends to be melodramatic and, even if she had meant it, it wasn't my place to act like her father. I asked if I could sleep with one of them, because I was afraid. In the end, those friends didn't go inside the residence. She went to sleep at their house and didn't come back until 24 hours later. That, plus the fact that she didn't answer any of our friends calls and texts made me feel worried again (she only met those friends a few days ago). You know, I never would've done that with a stranger. I've been alone with her in her room a bunch of times. I've even put her in bed (when she had been too drunk), so I never thought that she could be afraid of me. I don't want her to not feel safe around me and I want to apologize, but I also want to give her space. As for the girl I like... She's even angrier at me. My friends insist that she understands that, while I made a mistake, my intentions were good, so I also have to be patient with her.
Wow. You know, when the friends arrived, all they knew was about the accusation. Before I explained things, they already knew it was a misunderstanding. Even the people who were told about it by someone else wanted to ask me questions about it because they still didn't understand why I did it. However, except for the 2 girls, no one has really judged me. Even the people I don't feel that close to. And now you guys... I'm so moved.
You have through the years only shown kindness and overall generosity to everyone on these forums, Vits... And based on those experiences i can only conclude that you are a very genuine and kind person who never intentionally would do something to hurt someone (especially someone who you would consider a friend)... So off course i believe you when you say you never meant to hurt her...
Yesterday, I felt that enough time had passed. My friend was in school, so I called her but hanged up immediately so she could call me whenever she'd be available:
-"If it's OK with you, I'd like to have a word."
-"I don't think there's a need for it."
-"I think my apology will be better face-to-face."
-"There's no need for you to apologize."
-"I don't understand. Are you not angry?"
-"What I mean is that your apology isn't going to make any difference."
-"I had the feeling that you would see things that way... but I still owe it to you. After all, it was all my fault. Just to clarify, I don't plan on just saying the words "I'm sorry," but a lot more. If you think that I don't deserve forgiveness, I'll understand... but please give the chance to apologize."
-"OK. I'll see you when I return home."
I had suggested talking in the residence's garden, since she would probably feel safer there. I apologized for a bunch of things, including humiliating her by indirectly causing everyone to find out about what had happened:
-"That's what hurt me the most: That you would go around telling everyone that I was trying to kill myself... which isn't even true. You misinterpreted my words."
-"The situation got out of my control. I was forced to explain things. I wasn't doing it to gossip nor to make myself look less guilty."
We talked for about 2 hours. By the end, she wasn't angry anymore, but she had this kind of relaxed acceptance of the bad things:
-"Look, what happened, happened. You can't change it."
-"Yes, but what can I do to fix it?"
-"Nothing. That's the point I'm trying to make."
-"I think deep down you know how. Please, I'll do anything you ask me."
-"I honestly don't know the way."
She was giving up, but I wasn't going to:
-"OK... Answer me this: Do you hate me?"
-"Of course not."
-"Do you trust me?"
-"At this moment, I don't know."
-"OK, let's start from there. I'll figure something out to earn back your trust. We'll go step by step. You know what? It's lunch time. Let's go to cook and eat. We'll talk about... Anything else. One of our regular conversations. Actually, our friends might be there too, so we can have a normal lunch all together."
We gave each other a long hug. From that moment until the end of the day, it was as if nothing had ever happened.