PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

oiram
This post was updated on .
THE FIFTH PIRATES MOVIE, AND ARE PEOPLE REALLY EXCITED ANYMORE? PEOPLE HAVE FELT THIS FRANCHISE HAS GOTTEN WORSE WITH EACH NEW INSTALLMENT, WITH THIS ONE NOW GETTING THE WORSE RECEPTION OF THE BUNCH. WE NOW SEE EVERY MAJOR CHARACTER FROM THE FIRST MOVIE RETURN, ALONG WITH CLONES OF ORLANDO BLOOM AND KEIRA KNIGHTLEY, THOSE BEING BRENTON THWAITES AND KAYA SCODELARIO. THE NEW VILLAIN IS OSCAR WINNER JAVIER BARDEM, WITH SOME PRETTY BAD CGI LAYED OVER THE ACTOR.

A LOT OF WHAT WAS SAID ABOUT THE MOVIE, LIKE IT WAS TOO OVER THE TOP, FELT LIKE A RETREAD, AND THE CHARACTERS DIDN'T GROW MUCH, ARE ALL TRUE, BUT THE ONE THING TO FOCUS ON IS JOHNNY DEPP. NOT ONLY IS HE UNDER PRETTY HEAVY CONTROVERSY, BUT HE IS NOW A NOTICEABLE RAZZIE PERENNIAL, BEING NOMINATED 5 TIMES, 6 IF YOU COUNT HIS CAMEO IN JACK AND JILL. NOW HE IS STARRING IN THE FIFTH INSTALLMENT OF THE FRANCHISE THAT ARGUABLE MADE HIM A HOUSEHOLD NAME, AND PEOPLE ARE NOT ONLY GETTING SICK OF THE ACTOR, BUT ALSO THE JACK SPARROW CHARACTER. ALL THIS IN MIND MAKES ME THINK THAT WITH THIS NEW MOVIE, IT IS HIGH TIME FOR MR. DEPP TO GET HIS FIRST WORST ACTOR RAZZIE WIN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WOULD YOU LIKE TO FINALLY GIVE HIM THE WIN THAT WILL EVEN MAKE "DEAD MEN TELL TALES?"
Akiva Goldsman: The writer partially responsible for this year's triple threat of The Dark Tower, Rings, and, worst of all, Transformers: The Last Knight. I'll be shocked if all three screenplays do not make the ballots.

Worst Picture - Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (nom), The Emoji Movie (nom), Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy (nom), 9/11 (nom), and Transformers: The Last Knight (nom)
Worst Actor - Tom Cruise (nom), Matt Damon (nom), Johnny Depp, Jamie Dornan (nom), Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (nom), and Charlie Sheen (nom)
Worst Actress - Whoopi Goldberg (nom), Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson (nom), Tyler Perry (nom), Amy Schumer (nom), and Reese Witherspoon (nom)
Worst Supporting Actor - Jon Bass (nom), Anthony Hopkins, Eric Johnson (nom), Ben Kingsley (nom), Rob Lowe (nom), and John Turturro (nom)
Worst Supporting Actress - Kim Basinger, Faye Dunaway (nom), Laura Haddock (nom), Marcia Gay Harden (nom), Goldie Hawn (nom), and Isabela Moner (nom)
Worst Screen Combo - Any two robots, actors, or robotic actors (nom), Tom Cruise and either Sofia Boutella, Jake Johnson, or Annabelle Wallis (nom), The Entire Cast of Fifty Shades Darker, The Entire Cast of 9/11 (nom), The Entire Voice Cast of The Emoji Movie (nom), and Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn/Snatched (nom)
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel - Baywatch (nom), CHiPs (nom), The Emoji Movie (Rip-Off of Inside Out, The Lego Movie, and Wreck-It Ralph) (nom), Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy (nom), and Transformers: The Last Knight (nom)
Worst Director - Michael Bay (nom), James Foley, Martin Guigui (nom), Alex Kurtzman (nom), Tyler Perry (nom), and Guy Ritchie (nom)
Worst Screenplay - The Emoji Movie (nom), Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy (nom), 9/11 (nom), Suburbicon (nom), and Transformers: The Last Knight (nom)
Redeemer: M. Night Shyamalan
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Vits
R.T. (30-35%): "It proves that neither a change in directors nor an undead Javier Bardem is enough to drain this sinking franchise's murky bilge."

Peter Travers's review.

Chris Bumbray's review.

Richard Roeper's video review.

Jeremy Jahns' video review.

WHAT THE FLICK?!'s video review.

Chris Stuckmann's video review.

DOUBLE TOASTED's video review.

Tamara Chambers and Cody Melcher's video review.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Dun-Ida
Possible nominees:

Worst Supporting Actress
Kaya Scodelario
Her performance is insipid in some scenes.

Worst Prequel, Remake, Ripoff or Sequel


Dishonorable mentions: Worst Picture. Brenton Thwaites, Worst Supporting Actor.
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

CaptainMorgan
In reply to this post by oiram
I had hopes for the Pirates newest offering. I was hoping it wouldn't be a zombie-esque resurrection of former jokes and situations.  I went in with no pre-conceived ideas or notions.  I also have to add that I USUALLY don't have an issue suspending disbelief...that being said...

The movie lost me within the first 5 minutes.  The whole "banksurfing" through the village had me rolling my eyes.  Within no time, I was asking several critical and totally salient questions such as "what's going on" and "what's happening now."  

I'm usually not extremely critical of the cgi, but... in this case I do make an exception.  Most of the big effects were distressingly sub-par.  Bardem's "floaty hair" was acceptable but the damned dead sharks were a stretch!  Bardem's ship and the entire ending..ugh!  I don't think I'd have bought "young Jack Sparrow" any less if crappy CGI Grand Moff Tarkin had taken his place.  

Overall not impressed.  But, as a ray of hope, we were treated to an end-credit setup for ANOTHER one.  

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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

oiram
Thank you for that, and welcome Captain Morgan.
Akiva Goldsman: The writer partially responsible for this year's triple threat of The Dark Tower, Rings, and, worst of all, Transformers: The Last Knight. I'll be shocked if all three screenplays do not make the ballots.

Worst Picture - Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (nom), The Emoji Movie (nom), Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy (nom), 9/11 (nom), and Transformers: The Last Knight (nom)
Worst Actor - Tom Cruise (nom), Matt Damon (nom), Johnny Depp, Jamie Dornan (nom), Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (nom), and Charlie Sheen (nom)
Worst Actress - Whoopi Goldberg (nom), Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson (nom), Tyler Perry (nom), Amy Schumer (nom), and Reese Witherspoon (nom)
Worst Supporting Actor - Jon Bass (nom), Anthony Hopkins, Eric Johnson (nom), Ben Kingsley (nom), Rob Lowe (nom), and John Turturro (nom)
Worst Supporting Actress - Kim Basinger, Faye Dunaway (nom), Laura Haddock (nom), Marcia Gay Harden (nom), Goldie Hawn (nom), and Isabela Moner (nom)
Worst Screen Combo - Any two robots, actors, or robotic actors (nom), Tom Cruise and either Sofia Boutella, Jake Johnson, or Annabelle Wallis (nom), The Entire Cast of Fifty Shades Darker, The Entire Cast of 9/11 (nom), The Entire Voice Cast of The Emoji Movie (nom), and Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn/Snatched (nom)
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel - Baywatch (nom), CHiPs (nom), The Emoji Movie (Rip-Off of Inside Out, The Lego Movie, and Wreck-It Ralph) (nom), Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy (nom), and Transformers: The Last Knight (nom)
Worst Director - Michael Bay (nom), James Foley, Martin Guigui (nom), Alex Kurtzman (nom), Tyler Perry (nom), and Guy Ritchie (nom)
Worst Screenplay - The Emoji Movie (nom), Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy (nom), 9/11 (nom), Suburbicon (nom), and Transformers: The Last Knight (nom)
Redeemer: M. Night Shyamalan
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Vits
Yes, welcome.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Vits
I just saw it. For your consideration:
-Worst Screen Couple for Javier Bardem and his waving hair.
-Worst Director(s).
-Worst Screenplay.
-Worst Prequel or Sequel.
Oh, and maybe Worst Picture.
But not:
-Worst Supporting Actor for Brenton Thwaites.
-Worst Supporting Actress for Kaya Scoledario.
-Worst Screen Couple for Thwaites and Scoledario.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

oiram
I guess you think Depp is okay?
Akiva Goldsman: The writer partially responsible for this year's triple threat of The Dark Tower, Rings, and, worst of all, Transformers: The Last Knight. I'll be shocked if all three screenplays do not make the ballots.

Worst Picture - Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (nom), The Emoji Movie (nom), Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy (nom), 9/11 (nom), and Transformers: The Last Knight (nom)
Worst Actor - Tom Cruise (nom), Matt Damon (nom), Johnny Depp, Jamie Dornan (nom), Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (nom), and Charlie Sheen (nom)
Worst Actress - Whoopi Goldberg (nom), Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson (nom), Tyler Perry (nom), Amy Schumer (nom), and Reese Witherspoon (nom)
Worst Supporting Actor - Jon Bass (nom), Anthony Hopkins, Eric Johnson (nom), Ben Kingsley (nom), Rob Lowe (nom), and John Turturro (nom)
Worst Supporting Actress - Kim Basinger, Faye Dunaway (nom), Laura Haddock (nom), Marcia Gay Harden (nom), Goldie Hawn (nom), and Isabela Moner (nom)
Worst Screen Combo - Any two robots, actors, or robotic actors (nom), Tom Cruise and either Sofia Boutella, Jake Johnson, or Annabelle Wallis (nom), The Entire Cast of Fifty Shades Darker, The Entire Cast of 9/11 (nom), The Entire Voice Cast of The Emoji Movie (nom), and Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn/Snatched (nom)
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel - Baywatch (nom), CHiPs (nom), The Emoji Movie (Rip-Off of Inside Out, The Lego Movie, and Wreck-It Ralph) (nom), Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy (nom), and Transformers: The Last Knight (nom)
Worst Director - Michael Bay (nom), James Foley, Martin Guigui (nom), Alex Kurtzman (nom), Tyler Perry (nom), and Guy Ritchie (nom)
Worst Screenplay - The Emoji Movie (nom), Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy (nom), 9/11 (nom), Suburbicon (nom), and Transformers: The Last Knight (nom)
Redeemer: M. Night Shyamalan
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Vits
I feel indifferent about his performance.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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flip diving

flipdiving
In reply to this post by Vits
Thanks for your sharing. Hope you can contribute more quality posts to this page. Thank you!
flip diving
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Re: flip diving

Vits
Jeff Beck's review.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile