PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

oiram
This post was updated on .
THE FIFTH PIRATES MOVIE, AND ARE PEOPLE REALLY EXCITED ANYMORE? PEOPLE HAVE FELT THIS FRANCHISE HAS GOTTEN WORSE WITH EACH NEW INSTALLMENT, WITH THIS ONE NOW GETTING THE WORSE RECEPTION OF THE BUNCH. WE NOW SEE EVERY MAJOR CHARACTER FROM THE FIRST MOVIE RETURN, ALONG WITH CLONES OF ORLANDO BLOOM AND KEIRA KNIGHTLEY, THOSE BEING BRENTON THWAITES AND KAYA SCODELARIO. THE NEW VILLAIN IS OSCAR WINNER JAVIER BARDEM, WITH SOME PRETTY BAD CGI LAYED OVER THE ACTOR.

A LOT OF WHAT WAS SAID ABOUT THE MOVIE, LIKE IT WAS TOO OVER THE TOP, FELT LIKE A RETREAD, AND THE CHARACTERS DIDN'T GROW MUCH, ARE ALL TRUE, BUT THE ONE THING TO FOCUS ON IS JOHNNY DEPP. NOT ONLY IS HE UNDER PRETTY HEAVY CONTROVERSY, BUT HE IS NOW A NOTICEABLE RAZZIE PERENNIAL, BEING NOMINATED 5 TIMES, 6 IF YOU COUNT HIS CAMEO IN JACK AND JILL. NOW HE IS STARRING IN THE FIFTH INSTALLMENT OF THE FRANCHISE THAT ARGUABLE MADE HIM A HOUSEHOLD NAME, AND PEOPLE ARE NOT ONLY GETTING SICK OF THE ACTOR, BUT ALSO THE JACK SPARROW CHARACTER. ALL THIS IN MIND MAKES ME THINK THAT WITH THIS NEW MOVIE, IT IS HIGH TIME FOR MR. DEPP TO GET HIS FIRST WORST ACTOR RAZZIE WIN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WOULD YOU LIKE TO FINALLY GIVE HIM THE WIN THAT WILL EVEN MAKE "DEAD MEN TELL TALES?"
Worst Picture
Death Wish, Fifty Shades Freed, God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Gotti, Rodin
Worst Actor
Jamie Dornan, Vincent Lindon, John Travolta, David A. R. White, Bruce Willis
Worst Actress
Taraji P. Henson, Izïa Higelin, Bryce Dallas Howard, Dakota Johnson, Helen Mirren
Worst Supporting Actor
Eric Johnson, Steven Seagal, Justice Smith, Mike Tyson, Billy Zane
Worst Supporting Actress
Séverine Caneele, Marcia Gay Harden, Tatum O’Neal, Kelly Preston, Elisabeth Shue
Worst Screen Combo
Any combination of two characters, two sex toys (including ice cream), or two sexual positions, The entire cast of God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Vincent Lindon and either Izïa Higelin, Severine Caneele, or any piece of clay, plaster, wax, charcoal or naked woman he touches, John Travolta and either Spencer Lofranco or Kelly Preston, Bruce Willis and either Camila Morrone, Elizabeth Shue, or his guns
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
Death Wish, Fifty Shades Freed, God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, Super Troopers 2
Worst Director
Kevin Connolly, Jacques Doillon, James Foley, Tyler Perry, Eli Roth
Worst Screenplay
Fifty Shades Freed, God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Gotti, Rodin, Show Dogs
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Vits
R.T. (30-35%): "It proves that neither a change in directors nor an undead Javier Bardem is enough to drain this sinking franchise's murky bilge."

Peter Travers's review.

Chris Bumbray's review.

Richard Roeper's video review.

Jeremy Jahns' video review.

WHAT THE FLICK?!'s video review.

Chris Stuckmann's video review.

DOUBLE TOASTED's video review.

Tamara Chambers and Cody Melcher's video review.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Dun-Ida
Possible nominees:

Worst Supporting Actress
Kaya Scodelario
Her performance is insipid in some scenes.

Worst Prequel, Remake, Ripoff or Sequel


Dishonorable mentions: Worst Picture. Brenton Thwaites, Worst Supporting Actor.
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

CaptainMorgan
In reply to this post by oiram
I had hopes for the Pirates newest offering. I was hoping it wouldn't be a zombie-esque resurrection of former jokes and situations.  I went in with no pre-conceived ideas or notions.  I also have to add that I USUALLY don't have an issue suspending disbelief...that being said...

The movie lost me within the first 5 minutes.  The whole "banksurfing" through the village had me rolling my eyes.  Within no time, I was asking several critical and totally salient questions such as "what's going on" and "what's happening now."  

I'm usually not extremely critical of the cgi, but... in this case I do make an exception.  Most of the big effects were distressingly sub-par.  Bardem's "floaty hair" was acceptable but the damned dead sharks were a stretch!  Bardem's ship and the entire ending..ugh!  I don't think I'd have bought "young Jack Sparrow" any less if crappy CGI Grand Moff Tarkin had taken his place.  

Overall not impressed.  But, as a ray of hope, we were treated to an end-credit setup for ANOTHER one.  

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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

oiram
Thank you for that, and welcome Captain Morgan.
Worst Picture
Death Wish, Fifty Shades Freed, God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Gotti, Rodin
Worst Actor
Jamie Dornan, Vincent Lindon, John Travolta, David A. R. White, Bruce Willis
Worst Actress
Taraji P. Henson, Izïa Higelin, Bryce Dallas Howard, Dakota Johnson, Helen Mirren
Worst Supporting Actor
Eric Johnson, Steven Seagal, Justice Smith, Mike Tyson, Billy Zane
Worst Supporting Actress
Séverine Caneele, Marcia Gay Harden, Tatum O’Neal, Kelly Preston, Elisabeth Shue
Worst Screen Combo
Any combination of two characters, two sex toys (including ice cream), or two sexual positions, The entire cast of God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Vincent Lindon and either Izïa Higelin, Severine Caneele, or any piece of clay, plaster, wax, charcoal or naked woman he touches, John Travolta and either Spencer Lofranco or Kelly Preston, Bruce Willis and either Camila Morrone, Elizabeth Shue, or his guns
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
Death Wish, Fifty Shades Freed, God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, Super Troopers 2
Worst Director
Kevin Connolly, Jacques Doillon, James Foley, Tyler Perry, Eli Roth
Worst Screenplay
Fifty Shades Freed, God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Gotti, Rodin, Show Dogs
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Vits
Yes, welcome.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Vits
I just saw it. For your consideration:
-Worst Screen Couple for Javier Bardem and his waving hair.
-Worst Director(s).
-Worst Screenplay.
-Worst Prequel or Sequel.
Oh, and maybe Worst Picture.
But not:
-Worst Supporting Actor for Brenton Thwaites.
-Worst Supporting Actress for Kaya Scoledario.
-Worst Screen Couple for Thwaites and Scoledario.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

oiram
I guess you think Depp is okay?
Worst Picture
Death Wish, Fifty Shades Freed, God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Gotti, Rodin
Worst Actor
Jamie Dornan, Vincent Lindon, John Travolta, David A. R. White, Bruce Willis
Worst Actress
Taraji P. Henson, Izïa Higelin, Bryce Dallas Howard, Dakota Johnson, Helen Mirren
Worst Supporting Actor
Eric Johnson, Steven Seagal, Justice Smith, Mike Tyson, Billy Zane
Worst Supporting Actress
Séverine Caneele, Marcia Gay Harden, Tatum O’Neal, Kelly Preston, Elisabeth Shue
Worst Screen Combo
Any combination of two characters, two sex toys (including ice cream), or two sexual positions, The entire cast of God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Vincent Lindon and either Izïa Higelin, Severine Caneele, or any piece of clay, plaster, wax, charcoal or naked woman he touches, John Travolta and either Spencer Lofranco or Kelly Preston, Bruce Willis and either Camila Morrone, Elizabeth Shue, or his guns
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
Death Wish, Fifty Shades Freed, God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, Super Troopers 2
Worst Director
Kevin Connolly, Jacques Doillon, James Foley, Tyler Perry, Eli Roth
Worst Screenplay
Fifty Shades Freed, God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness, Gotti, Rodin, Show Dogs
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Vits
I feel indifferent about his performance.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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flip diving

flipdiving
In reply to this post by Vits
Thanks for your sharing. Hope you can contribute more quality posts to this page. Thank you!
flip diving
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Re: flip diving

Vits
Jeff Beck's review.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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Re: flip diving

Vits
Everything wrong with this movie.
Follow me on Twitter @Vits_Chile
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

jenjenn30
In reply to this post by oiram
I agree with all the negative about the film other than this.... When I watched the after credits when Will was to see his son after 10 yrs at sea and Elizabeth.. I really hated that I had to accept that was it... He would see the boy what? Only a few times in his lifetime... Then to accept that Elizabeth would have to live that lonely existence as well?  They didn't do age progression well... They actually just "sun and wind burned" everyone...lol  Young jack's script verbiage was a shame as well... what a "dope"... I was relieved they fixed what was broken for me... Other than that the movie was eh at most... I love Barbosa's image... It is probably the best thing about the films... That and Johnny with eyeliner!
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Re: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

thuhien12
In reply to this post by oiram