THIS YEAR HAS BEEN THICK WITH PRO CRITIC REVIEW EMBARGOES THAT ONLY GET LIFTED THE DAY THESE FILMS ARE RELEASED, IF NOT LATER SO. NINE LIVES, WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS, AND THE DISAPPOINTMENTS ROOM ALL HAVE VEHEMENTLY SCATHING REVIEWS FROM JAHNS AND/OR STUCKMANN, THE FORMER IS CONSIDERED AN UNDERRATED WORST PICTURE FRONT-RUNNER, AND THE LATTER HAD A GOOSE EGG ON THE TOMATOMETER WHEN I LAST CHECKED. A COUPLE MONTHS LATER, SHUT-IN GOT ANOTHER HARSH REVIEW FROM STUCKMANN, AND SCORED A GOOSE EGG WITH AN EVEN GREATER QUANTITY OF ROTTEN REVIEWS. BUT THEY’VE SAVED THE MOST OBSCURE OF THESE WIDE RELEASES FOR LAST.
ONCE WE KNOW WHETHER THIS WEEK’S WORST NEW FILM IS AS BAD AS THE FOUR AFOREMENTIONED RAZZIE QUARTERFINALISTS, WE CAN FACTOR THE GUY WHO PLAYED THE PRESIDENT IN “LONDON HAS FALLEN” INTO THE WORST ACTOR AND/OR SUPPORTING ACTOR RACE. AARON ECKHART HAS BEEN IN 5 FILMS THAT CAUGHT MY RAZZIE EYE BEFORE THIS PAST YEAR, INCLUDING “I, FRANKENSTEIN” WITH THE 3% APPROVAL RATING, AND NOW HE’S STARRING IN A BLUMHOUSE-ESQUE EXORCISM FILM AS A DISABLED MAN WITH SUPERPOWERS.
“INCARNATE” INVOLVES A PREADOLESCENT CHILD SHOWING THE USUAL PROFOUNDLY DISTURBING SYMPTOMS OF DEMONIC POSSESSION, AND THIS TIME, A VATICANESE DIPLOMAT CALLS FORTH SETH EMBER, AN EXPERT EXORCIST WITH CRIPPLED LEGS AND A PAINFUL PAST OF HIS OWN. BESIDES HIS SKILL AND EXPERIENCE, WHAT MAKES HIM STAND OUT? HE HAS TELEPATHIC BRAINJACKING POWERS THAT ENABLE HIM TO PIERCE INTO THE MINDS OF WHOMEVER HE FOCUSES HIS ENERGY ON, BUT HE EVEN STANDS OUT FROM OTHER BRAINJACKERS BECAUSE WHILE POSSESSOR DEMONS COULD ANCHOR THEMSELVES IN THEIR HOST’S MINDS AND VEIL THE MIND, EMBER’S POWERS CAN EVEN GIVE THOSE EVIL SPIRITS A BIG FIGHT. BUT THE PRE-AD BOY IS POSSESSED BY A BLOOD KING AMONG DEMONS, AND THIS CASE WILL BE HIS TOUGHEST BY FAR!
REVIEWS COMPLAIN ABOUT BOTH EXTREMES OF PREDICTABILITY. IF YOU SPECIALIZE IN HORROR FILMS, YOU SHOULD SEE EVERYTHING COMING FROM A LIGHT YEAR AWAY. OTHERWISE, YOU’LL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON IN THIS JUMBLED MESS, AND THAT CAN MAKE IT PREDICTABLE FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS! FURTHER COUNTING AGAINST ITS REASON TO EXIST, INCARNATE IS DULL AND LIFELESS, AND IT’LL BE ONE OF THE FASTEST 2016 RAZZIE COMPETITORS TO FADE INTO IRRELEVANT OBSCURITY, AND MAKE SOME OF THE WEAKEST RIPPLES ON FILM HISTORY.
BUT DON’T LET ME INCINERATE “INCARNATE” ALONE. IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE IDEAS AS TO HOW TO ESCALATE ITS PROGRESS IN THE RAZZIE RACE, INGRATIATE “INCARNATE” WITH YOUR IRREVERANT JEERS BELOW!
After seeing a few clips from the Stuckmann review, I noticed the pre-ad child, David Mazouz, has much longer hair than I remember from his past pictures. His character may be 11, but the way I see it, his hair, face, and slim build are comparable to how kids in the 1980s and 1990s looked at about half that age.
Diego Muñoz (2/5): "You have to applaud Eckhart's commitment to a story that mixes its reference so badly (and without much dissimulation), but that's about it for the praise this movie deserves. When, during the climax, it's the viewer the one who wants to jump out the window, not even FATHER KARRAS can save us from doom."